Recognizing and Confronting Abuse in Friendships: My Story

I’ve noticed that people don’t seem to know what abuse is and we rarely discuss abuse happening within friendships. I personally experienced physiological, emotional, and financial abuse from a friend, which is especially painful because friendships are supposed to be a safe space. I would invite this specific friend, whom I’ll call “Tabitha,” on trips and pay for her airfare and hotel without any issue at the time. I had previously been in a difficult financial position after my divorce and remembered not being able to afford trips and outings for a decade. This led me to be extremely generous with paying for friends’ travel. However, it became clear that Tabitha was being financially manipulative during these trips and would frequently hint for money or fail to adhere to expenses she had promised to cover. When confronted about this pattern of behavior, Tabitha would throw tantrums because she was “tired” or “misunderstood.” This is classic abusive behavior and it went beyond making people uncomfortable and into the realm of direct manipulation and exploitation. If we would not tolerate this behavior from an intimate partner, it isn’t okay behavior from friends either.

Tabitha frequently disclosed details about her financial hardships to fellow travelers during trips, seemingly implying that others should cover her expenses. However, her…